True to Myself

If I'm not true to myself and whom God made me to be, then who am I? The reality is I have to live my life, no one else does. So, I came to a point where I decided that I just don't want a lot of unnecessary drama around me. That meant making serious decisions like separating from toxic people, filling my days with more positive things, praying more, and even taking jobs that are fulfilling to me. I spent many years miserable in corporate jobs, but I'm glad I can take something good from them and that is I learned some good skills and I was able to work for myself.

With every trial I've faced, it's helped shape me into what I want to be now. I'm having fun for the first time in my life with my crafting and styling. My sleepy self is waking up and taking back my joy. Depression played a large part in my life for a long time, but I know that God is doing something new on the inside of me because I'm feeling better more consistently. I was so up and down for a long time and I yearned to have an even keel attitude.

And, I struggled with low self-esteem when I was little. I was so focused on pleasing everybody around me, because I desperately wanted to be liked. And it's easy to let other people walk all over and disrespect you when you so starving for affection. I found myself aligning with the wrong people trying to be friends with them to fit in and when I didn't, I blamed myself.

Many years later, I learned that you'll never please everybody. I slowly began to make decisions that would better me and sometimes that means making breaks from bad situations and people who will only bring me down.

Being true to myself doesn't mean I'm being selfish, on the contrary, if you don't have, you can't give. I like being an encourager but if I'm upset and sad all the time, then how can I lift someone else up? I also learned that I was wasting a lot of precious time trying to fit in and make people like me. Time is one commodity we don't have the luxury of having a lot of. I want to make the best use of mine.

It's taken a long time to know and accept myself and I still have a long way to go but at least I'm on my way.